Title: Not Enough
Pairing/Characters: Collie, Clois, Oliver/Dinah
Disclaimer: don't own anything
Summary: Clark makes a decision that affects his relationship with Oliver.
“I asked Lois to marry me.”
The words stood between them like a brick wall. It was all Oliver could do not to scream.
Clark stared defiantly at his lover, his lover for the past two years. He should’ve known it would come down to this. What they had been doing was wrong. They were both seeing other people.
And he was Superman! Superman preached morals- truth, honestly and the American way. That’s what he stood for. How could he do that and cheat on his girlfriend?
But he had. And he wasn’t the only one in the wrong. Oliver too was in a serious relationship with Dinah Lance AKA The Black Canary. Which made the whole situation worse because she was in the Justice League with both of them.
The Justice League. That’s where this whole thing started. Clark had felt the attraction for Oliver the first time he was in Smallville but dismissed it after Oliver left. The two of them hardly kept in touch and only contacted each other when it had to do with business.
In the meantime, Clark had gone back to school and completed his degree in journalism. Oliver Queen quickly became a distant memory. After he graduated, he left for his training, disappearing for a little more than two years.
Upon his return, he found that everything had changed. Chloe was now an editor at the Gotham Tribune and Lois Lane was the star reporter for The Daily Planet. Perry White was editor-in-chief so he managed to swing a job there.
Of course, he was partnered with Lois, who was not pleased about the situation. Outside of his job, he decided to take a stand against crime and put on a costume. His costume was one that he was a little embarrassed about going out in but it was based off a traditional Kryptonian outfit so he managed to overcome his embarrassment. Or at least deal with it.
Lois dubbed him Superman because the crest of the El family looked so much like an ‘S’.
Soon after he took up the costume, he got an invitation to join The Justice League. That’s when he found Oliver’s team was now a lot bigger. He had joined forces with Batman, who was none other than the billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, who had his own group.
It was nice to see familiar faces and he quickly got adjusted to the League. One friendship he rekindled was his one with Oliver. Who was dating one of the other League members, Dinah Lance. He thought they made a stunning couple but he couldn’t help being a little disappointed when he found out Ollie was taken.
The blonde was as gorgeous, if not more so, than the first time he had laid eyes on him. He ignored his feelings though and worked on forming a friendship. They had a lot of fun together until that one day. That one day when everything changed and was the reason for their current situation. It had just started out as watching a movie in Ollie’s penthouse.
How they ended up kissing on the couch, he had no idea. Clark had pulled away and left. They spent most of the following week avoiding one another. Oliver was the one who took the initiative and visited Clark at his apartment.
What started out as a rational conversation on their feelings turned into them making out again and this time, it led them straight to Clark’s bed. In the back of his mind, he knew it was wrong but just couldn’t resist.
That’s when their tryst began. How they managed to pull it off for two years without anyone knowing, he had no clue. He was positive Bruce and Chloe, who had gotten together and were in a surprisingly stable relationship, suspected but neither said anything to him.
They had stopped when Clark first started dating Lois. Somewhere along the line, she got over her crush on Superman and turned to him. Lois was an attractive woman but what possessed him to agree to the date, he didn’t know.
One date turned into two, which turned into a serious relationship. That’s when he broke it off with Oliver. It worked well . . . for about 2 months.
An accidental exposure to red kryptonite led Clark straight back to Oliver and the blonde hadn’t denied him. When he snapped out of the haze, he realized that ending things with Oliver wasn’t possible. Nothing was really said but it was assumed by both of them that whatever they had was back on.
It had been more than a year since that happened and they hadn’t stopped their secret meetings. Clark was certain he was in love with Oliver. He had no idea how the blonde felt but it was definitely more than sex on his part.
But he was dating Lois and Oliver was still with Dinah. Dinah was too focused on the League so she hadn’t been pushing marriage but Lois had certainly been hinting at it.
And he was coming to realize that what he shared with Oliver was not enough. He wanted commitment, a stable relationship. Besides, he needed to get out before he fell ever more in love with Oliver.
So on his recent one-year anniversary with Lois, he popped the question. She had said yes immediately.
Which brought them to now. He had to break the news to Ollie before he heard it from someone else. Oliver deserved that much.
But Oliver was not saying anything, just staring at him blankly.
“Oliver?” Clark asked, breaking the silence. “Did you just hear what I said?”
“You proposed to Lois,” Oliver echoed. “I’m assuming she said yes?”
Clark nodded and Oliver looked away.
“Do you love her?” Oliver asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“Yes, I do,” Clark said honestly. He did love Lois. Just because he wasn’t madly in love with her the way he was with Ollie didn’t change the fact that he loved her a lot. Spending the rest of his life with her would not be a sacrifice at all.
Lois knew he was Superman but he knew she loved him as Clark. Of course, she enjoyed when he took her flying at night but she loved the geeky side to him as much as she loved the superhero part. Which was why he hated hurting her. That’s why whatever he had with Oliver had to end . . . now.
He saw Oliver’s shoulders slump at his response. “I guess you’re here to end it . . . again.”
“Yeah,” Clark said, swallowing hard. “I am.”
Oliver’s expression was stiff but his eyes revealed disappointment.
“I guess this is it then,” Clark said, shuffling his feet.
“Did you ever feel anything for me?” Oliver asked suddenly. Startled by the question, he looked up, meeting Oliver’s gaze.
“Excuse me?” was all Clark was able to get out.
“I said,” Oliver repeated, “Did you ever feel anything for me? We’ve been seeing each other for two years and I want to know how you perceived us. Was it just sex for you?”
Clark wanted to lie, to say it was, but he found himself shaking his head. “No . . . if it was just sex, I would’ve been able to end it a long time ago.” He thought that would end that questioning but it seemed that they were just getting started.
“So you have feelings for me?” Oliver persisted.
“Yes,” Clark answered before he could stop himself. Idiot, what’s wrong with you?
Oliver was growing more confident with each affirmative answer Clark gave him. Closing the distance between them, he cupped Clark’s face in his hands, forcing him to meet his eyes.
Clark wanted nothing more than to tear his gaze away and run out of the penthouse. But he couldn’t look away from those beautiful brown eyes. Those eyes were staring intently at him, as if they could see into his very soul.
“Do you . . .?” Oliver said cautiously. “Do you love me?”
Say no, you don’t love him, you love Lois. Damn you Kent, say NO. “Yes.”
Oliver gasped. “You love me.”
“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” Clark replied, trying to keep the anxiety from his tone but failing miserably.
“Then why are you marrying her?” Oliver wanted to know.
“Because,” Clark said, stepping back. “I can’t do this anymore. I need more Ollie.”
“You never said you wanted more,” Oliver responded, frowning. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“What could I have said?” Clark asked bitterly. “Oh, Ollie, I want a real relationship.”
“That would’ve been nice,” Oliver retorted.
“And you would’ve just left Dinah?” Clark questioned. “Left her and started a relationship with me? Announced to the world that you left your girlfriend for another man?” He shook his head. “The idea is ridiculous and you know it!”
“But you never even gave me a chance,” Oliver protested. “You went off and dated Lois. I’m not a mind reader, Clark. I thought you genuinely cared about her and this was just about the sex.”
“Well it’s better off this way,” Clark said calmly, regaining his composure.
“How is this better?” Oliver demanded. “We should be with each other.”
“But we can’t,” Clark said sadly. “We’re both in serious relationships . . . we shouldn’t have been doing what we were doing in the first place. But now everything has changed. I’m getting married Ollie.”
“I want to be with you, Clark,” Oliver told him, almost pleading.
“I do too,” Clark said. “But we can’t do this anymore . . . it’s not enough.” Oliver’s face fell and Clark’s heart broke at the distress in his eyes.
“It’s not enough,” Clark repeated. “Not anymore . . . maybe it never was.”
Taking a deep breath, he continued, “I should go. Lois will be waiting for me.” He paused for a moment. “Bye Ollie.”
He didn’t even wait for a response. Just took the opportunity and exited the penthouse, leaving the man he loved behind.
More than anything, he wanted to stay. But he couldn’t. He had made a choice, picked Lois and it was one he would have to stick with.
Because what he had with Oliver was not enough. He needed more. Just having sex and clandestine meetings was not enough.
But damn it if he didn’t wish it were.