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ficlet: late night calls

Title: Late Night Calls
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing/Characters: Clark, Lois, Oliver, mentions of Clark/Lois, Clark/Oliver and Clark/Lois/Oliver
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 675
Warnings/Spoilers: slash, spelling mistakes are intentional, language/none
Disclaimer: all characters belong to the CW/DC Comics
Summary: Clark gets a late night phone call.
A/N: for tvrealm's Drunk Dial Challenge.

The shrill ringing of the telephone woke him up. Clark groaned, opening his eyes. Who could be calling now, he wondered. Finding his cell phone, he answered with a wary, “Kent.”


“Lois?” he said, immediately recognizing her vioce. Sitting up, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Course I am, Smallville,” Lois replied. That’s when he heard the slur in her voice. She’s drunk, he realized. This was going to be fun. Not.

“Then do you realize what time it is?” he demanded.

“Umm … no?” she said, and giggled. He heard her ask, “What time is it?”

“Dunno,” a second voice said.

“Lois, who is that?” he asked, worried.

“It’s Ollie!” Lois told him cheerfully. “Say hi, Ollie!”

“Hi Boyscout,” Oliver's voice came over the line.

Clark sighed. “What are you two up to?”

“We were drinking,” Lois dropped her voice, as if sharing a secret. He could picture the expression on her face and smiled at the mental image. “Hol’ on, lemme put you on speaker.” He heard her mutter, “Now where is that button?”

He heard the sound of a few buttons being pushed before Lois declared, “Ah-ha, got it! Now you can talk to us both, Clarkie!”

“Clarkie?” Oliver repeated.

“Yeah,” Lois said. "I call him that .. great, huh?”

“I like Boyscout,” Oliver announced.

“I like that one too!” Lois agreed.

“Do I need to be apart of this?” Clark wondered.

“Aww, you’re no fun, Clarkie,” Lois said sadly. “Doncha wanna talk to us?”

“Maybe when you’re not drunk,” Clark responded, relaxing into his bed.

“Not drunk,” Lois argued. “Just … tipsy. We were playing a game.”

“Never play games with Lois,” Oliver advised. “She’s very good.”

“I am very good,” Lois agreed. “I totally won!”

“Sounds like you both lost,” Clark laughed. “That why you called me?”

“Nu-uh, Clarkie,” Lois said. “Why did we call you?”

“The bucket list,” Oliver said helpfully.

“Yes, the bucket list,” Lois echoed. “We made one.”

“What is a bucket list?” Clark questioned.

“A bucket list is the people you want to fuccckkkkk,” Lois said, drawling out the last word, causing him to blush. “You know, before you die and all.”

"What does that have to do with me?” he said.

“Well, you were on our list!” Lois replied.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You made our list,” Lois said again. “We'd totally fuck you, Clarkie.”

“You would?”

“Uh, duh,” Oliver said. “I mean, you’re wound up a bit tight, but you’re fuckin hot.”

“And fucking him would be hot,” Lois chimed in.

He was glad that they couldn’t see him, because his face was bright red.

“Clarkie, you’re being quiet,” Lois whined. “You’d fuck us, right?”

“You’re both drunk,” Clark stated. “Maybe you should sleep this off.” The truth was he didn’t want to answer that question.

“Don’t want to sleep this off,” Lois protested. “Want to sleep with you … and you know, not sleep.”

“Oooh, me too,” Oliver agreed.

“I want to watch that,” Lois said. “Would you let me watch?”

“Of course,” Oliver said. “Can I watch you guys?”

“Yup,” Lois said. “We should all sleep together!”

Clark needed to get off the phone. The images their conversation were producing were killing him.

“I need to go,” Clark tried. “And you need to go to sleep.”

“We don’t want you to go,” Lois said. “We want to fuck you. Come fuck us, Clarkie.”

He had to hang up before he took them up on their offer. Thinking quick, he said, “How about we make a deal?”

“I like deals,” Oliver said. “I’m great at those!”

“You guys hang up and go to sleep,” Clark said slowly. “If you remember this conversation in the morning, well …”

“We can have you?” Lois asked excitedly.

“Sure,” Clark agreed. “You can have me.” Not like they’re going to remember anyway.

“Yay!” Oliver and Lois cheered.

“Night, guys,” Clark said.

“Night, Clarkie!” they said in unison.

Hanging up, Clark put the phone aside. As he drifted back to sleep, he couldn’t help but hope that they'd remember.
Tags: fandom: smallville, fanfic, ship: clark/lois/oliver, story: late night calls
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